Well hello,
I’m not sure if many of you will remember me because it’s been so darn long since I made a post. This is because of two reasons… firstly, I tried to self host and it didn’t work in my favour. Secondly, I’ve had a pretty lousy six months in my personal life.
If you read the title of this post then I assume you can probably figure out why my flipped upside down. I went through a break up with my long term boyfriend and if you followed the blog for a while, the man I moved in with this year.
As far as breakups go I assume you could call it amicable and positive. I was devastated obviously, and I believe he was as well but there was no bitterness. We still lived together for the remainder of our lease, we still talk occasionally and there is no nastiness being spread amongst our families and friends.
I feel like since it’s been almost six months since our split that I’ve started to come to terms with a few things and I decided I would share them with you. Without further ado, here is my official list of how to survive a breakup.
MEGHAN’S BREAKUP BIBLE
- Pick a time frame to wallow and stick to it. For me I decided that I wouldn’t let my whole life be consumed with how hurt I was. I had school to worry about, I now had to find a new place to live, and I had friends I cared for. Although it was really difficult I managed to try and be happy as much as I could, even if it was put on like a mask. I think it actually helped to try and not be alone and to surround myself with the people who I felt comfortable around.
- Allow yourself to have bad days. With all that being said there were many, many days when I decided I was going to stay in bed, watch Netflix, and cry. I cried a lot. I ate a lot. I ordered pizza and brownies to my apartment and ate in bed… while I cried. I skipped school a couple mornings to sleep in and cry some more- and that’s okay.
- Don’t throw it all away if you’re not ready. Unfortunately as soon as the split happened everyone around me seemed to think I needed to delete my ex from my life entirely. I was told to ditch old pictures, throw away gifts, delete him on all my socials and so on. As much as this can help for some people to heal, it doesn’t for everyone. If you’re not ready to get rid of those things, or you simply want to keep them because it was a huge part of your life- then don’t. I do suggest putting it away in a safe place where you don’t have to see it everyday… and you can pull it out if you need to.
- Talk, a lot. If you’re in a place with your ex where you still have a relationship in which you feel comfortable to talk it out then please do. I am thankful that my ex listened to me wallow, ramble, and just clear out my brain for hours on end. It might feel stupid to tell someone how much they mean to you and get an unwanted result but at least you can leave it all out on the table. I feel so much better knowing that I literally did everything I could, there are no feelings I didn’t share. Honestly I just liked talking to him rather than the wall… makes you feel less crazy.
- Learn how to do things on your own. I think one of the biggest adjustments to breaking up with someone is going from being part of two people to only one. I remember trying to open jars and sobbing because I had to ask him for help, simply because I wanted to be able to do it alone. It stinks… it’s no fun to start carrying your own groceries or walking yourself to school or work, but it eventually gets easier. Thankfully I have wonderful friends who didn’t leave me all on my own. I’m getting better at being independent and I feel like once you do it enough you find comfort in being able to succeed on your own.
- Don’t rush into someone else if you’re not ready. If you want a rebound to make you feel better then go do it! If you just want to sit and cry and not talk to anyone within a ten mile radius, then that’s okay too.
- Breakup sex is a real thing. Before you either reject or participate you need to evaluate if it will be helpful or hurtful. Even if you want it really really bad and you know it will kill you then stay away. If you think it will heal then go nuts. It’s a tricky situation regardless and my advice is to not make it a common thing.
- Online stalking is okay- but it usually ends in hurt feelings. You can look at his likes on Instagram but you’re probably gonna find the girl he hooked up with before he met you and let me just say that it hurts like a hard slap to the face. You’ve been warned.
- You’re not going to be forever alone. Totally feels like it. But it’s not true. And I know the follow up statement to that is “i’ll never find someone as good”, and you probably will… even if they really were great. You can move from one good relationship to another without taking anything away from either side.
Those are my main tips, I feel like some of them are obvious but also very necessary. If you’re in the middle of a breakup then I feel you. It feels like someone has stomped on you and you just don’t want to get up. I’m currently in the limbo of deciding to put myself back out there or not. It’s scary to try again when you’ve been hurt so badly before.
Another thing that has really flipped me out is my now very apparent lack of a life plan. When you’re living with someone and you have plans for a future you start to bank on that and get comfortable. When people around you tell you its a good idea then you become certain on it. Now I have no plan, and I’m floating around wondering what’s going to happen in my life over the next ten years. It’s exciting, slightly. It’s also really, really scary. As someone who relies on comfort and security I’m just desperate to know what I should do, what I should strive for, and what risks I should or should not take.
If you have any advice for me or anyone else then please leave it in the comments, and kind words are always appreciated as they can do someone a world of good! I hope you enjoyed my return to the page. I’m excited to be back and work on some more posts for you.
As always, any post requests in the comments below.
If you’re reading this because you just had your heart broken, then I’m sorry. No cliché phrase will make you feel better, I know that because I heard them all. This is 6 months past heartbreak Meghan and I’m telling you it gets a little easier. You’re still going to be sad when you visit every place you ever went with them, or when you find their extra toothbrush, or notes they left on your phone…. it sucks, and you have the right to admit and feel that it sucks. Hopefully it doesn’t suck forever.
If you need someone then find them and talk, if you need to talk and can’t find anyone then please feel free to leave me a comment.
Sending all my hugs.
Meghan. xo
